THE FOOD DEMANDER and THE TROUBLE TRANSITIONER

Anyone out there have a kid who now is demanding food, or sweets a lot of the time?  Worrying about how to handle it and how to say no without creating World War 3 or stressing that you might create or are seeing weight problems with food demanders?  Although picky and ‘beige food’ eaters as I call them are very typical of childhood, so are food demanders.  In fact, just as your preschoolers start to establish their identities by insisting on wearing that fairy or superman costume day after day, they can start to fight you on food and it can be very easy to be held hostage by your worry that however you handle it might create a problem.

So what’s a parent to do?

Some things to keep in mind:
Just like your kid came into this world with their body type and other personality traits, they can be more or less interested in food.  Some kids are ‘foodies’ as I call them; often they are children who are very sensual, sensitive and artistic, and their palates have developed early.  These kids can often be very intense, demanding, and strong willed.  Why not fight about food since it is the first thing they can control?

You know how other kids have trouble transitioning and you need to give them at least two warnings before you leave the playground or turn off the television for dinner?  Sometimes these kids can’t ‘shift gears’ as I call it.  They are on the same track, and now that they are at the dinner table, they can’t seem to leave!

These children can be at risk for developing compulsive eating patterns, or at best, eating more than their bodies need since they aren’t stopping when the old signal ‘DONE’, or ‘FULL’, registers.  They either ignore it, or need more time for it to be clear.

TIPS FOR THE FOOD OR SUGAR DEMANDERS:

1)    Don’t be afraid to say ‘NO”.   Don’t get held hostage by your fear that you will create a problem if you need to help them set more structure for themselves.  Use your usual firm and limit setting parent guidelines.

2)    Don’t be too rigid either.  Establish clear rules about treats but give them some control.  They can choose when to have the treat, or treats.  Stick with the decision they make and remind them if they aren’t happy they can change it tomorrow.

3)     Don’t over worry about whether they eat sweets before the meal.  This usually creates more problems than diminishing much of an appetite.  Not the end of the world.  Remind them to check for themselves if it does ‘spoil’ their appetite.  “What else are they eating to help their body run or climb up the slide that day?”  Connect nutritional info  to things they love to do.

TIPS FOR TROUBLE TRANSITIONERS:

1)    These kids need the time for a warning and may need to learn that it takes them longer to shift gears when they are eating.  Teach them how to wait.

2)    Teaching kids to WAIT is useful to help them clue into their bodies.  I tell kids that some bodies take longer than others to send the signal to the brain that their tummies are full.  Suggest doing an activity with you, helping clear the table, the dishes while they are waiting to see if they still need another portion.

For both of these kinds of kids, and of course remember that there are overlaps:

Kids will often think they are hungry, or use food if they are bored.  If they say they are hungry and you are pretty sure they can’t possibly be hungry, distract them.  Don’t be flustered by their demands and remember that it isn’t your job to stimulate them if they are bored.  Let them sit with it.  More often than not, they will find something to occupy them, and you have given them something valuable; the ability to not use food to preoccupy them, and how to shift gears and calm down into a calmer state by themselves; often a state of mind that opens up their creativity.

Most importantly, don’t be worried about overriding anything at times if you know they don’t need to eat and simply say:  “No, you have had enough!”

Happy Feeding!

I think we could safely say that when any woman steps into a dressing room to try on clothing, their inner dialogue is not exactly complimentary.  Am I just speaking for myself, or do we tend to get fairly self-critical, and focus on the negative, vs. the positive, when left to the mercy of that mirror and brutal lighting.

Last week, I was on a panel discussion for an art show entitled: ‘Power and Burden of Beauty’ by Rachel Hovnanian.  Part of this installation involves a dressing room that you enter.  Inside the dressing room is a collection of white bathing suits with different sizes attached to them, and a fun house mirror.  A running tape is filled with comments like:  “My thighs are so fat”, and “I shouldn’t have eaten that”; the usual comments, right, that if not voiced out loud, can be such rote, that all the women I have seen emerging from this space, have the same wry smile on their faces.

Not that I am at all immune either, but I often think of that statement by Erica Jong:  “You’re not fat, you’re just living in the wrong country.”

Every country though, in the world has their own brand of beauty and it is no less punishing than here in North America.  Think of the bound feet in China, the elongated necks in Africa, outstretched lips, there is never a shortage in the ways a culture finds a body part to focus on.

With the fashion industry and the media playing such a major role here, we are subjected to an idealization of thin; size 0.  (Although I am sure there is size inflation; a current size 0 is without a doubt the old 4, even 6.  When I go to Montreal to try on clothing, I am a full 3 sizes larger than in the U.S.)  So while we may be horrified by other cultures and what women do to be beautiful, we perhaps lose a little perspective of the ways we torture ourselves.  The array of options are increasing; from obsessional  diet and exercise, to the knife, injectables, lipo; it goes on and on.

What’s a girl to do?  Particularly given that the images that we see are not changing significantly tomorrow.  How do we at least raise the level of awareness, to understand our context, and the impact on us?  

Rachel Hovnanian does this quite successfully in her show. She helps us to recognize our negative ‘self talk’, and she has begun a dialogue.

Let’s ‘out’ this body hatred and body shame that seems to be such a significant tape loop in women’s minds.

Visit this exhibit:  It is at the Jason McCoy satellite space from Oct. 30-Nov. 7^th, 520 West 20^th St., and continues Nov. 10-Dec. 22^nd, 41 E.57^th St. at the Jason McCoy Gallery.

Anyone catch that outrageous story yesterday of the little girl who was denied health care coverage because she was too skinny?!  Her parents were on The Today Show stating that she was on “her growth curve”, is a picky eater, had a bit of a gag reflex problem that was being treated, and she was denied health coverage!

Insane!  Like the medical editor of the show, I too am always telling parents of picky eaters, to look at their kid’s growth curve.  What is important is whether or not your child is staying on THEIR growth curve.  In other words, nine times out of ten, or perhaps even 99 out of a 100, there is little need to worry.

Oops!  Spoke too soon; now in fact, there is something new to worry about.  Your kid doesn’t eat and is too skinny, their coverage gets denied.  With all the job losses and COBRA plans running out, this is not an insignificant concern.  Thankfully, this particular insurance company got such a public spanking that we heard this morning that in fact, they changed their minds and this kid got her coverage.

But what about all the families who can’t get on The Today Show?

Are we mad enough to the point where we are not going to take it anymore?  Are enough people getting affected that there will be enough pressure on the senators, congressmen, whoever the hell is mucking up and standing in the way of health care reform?

Okay, I know I come from Canada and I am used to socialized medicine, so my world view is different.  I landed up with pneumonia when I moved here, because I couldn’t afford to see a doctor as I had no health insurance.  An annoying cough landed me with full blown pneumonia; diagnosed finally when my boss at the restaurant I was working in forced me to see a doctor.  Payment out of pocket.  No small potatoes for a struggling, new in the city, dancer.

You forget about all that craziness though, when you are insured.  Or if you are young and basically healthy, and you rarely have cause to see a doctor.  At the rate we are going though, unless you fit into the highest point of the bell curve; that 50^th percentile, or your kids do, and you have no pre-existing condition, maybe and just maybe you can get health care coverage.

There is little doubt that this system is whacked.

So parents, instead of pressuring your kids to eat more if they are picky eaters, pressure your local politicians, write letters, do anything you can to get some serious health care reform. 

The insanity has gone too far.

Am I supposed to be happy about this?  For the first time as a parent, I find myself almost getting into fights about food.

I know it pushes my buttons, because it seems dogmatic and obsessive.  I hate thinking about food too much; I love to eat but I have no interest in spending too much time figuring out what to eat. (Obviously a reaction from my obsessive, dieting dancer days!)

 As for teaching my kids healthy eating habits, I have focused on helping them eat a range of foods; knowing how to make sure they get the main food groups, and not to deprive themselves too much.  Things have always been fairly loose, and I trust them to figure out what they need.  They have always been pretty reasonable and we have never fought about food.

Being fairly politic, my kids,  like many others, have played with variations of vegetarianism.  First the middle daughter went whole hog.  Then the oldest cut out red meat but would eat chicken and fish.  The youngest, well, she seemed to do a morph of the two.  Me?  I am a meat-a-tarian; nothing stands between me and my T-Bone.

After returning from our time in Africa, my oldest daughter took her vegetarianism a step further.  Now admittedly, it is not easy being veggie in Africa where you have game with each and every meal.  I call it “My Month of Meat”.  But after reading about how our food gets to us, not just the meat, but the dairy and how the animals are treated, she had had it.

I had to listen of course.  For myself, I have had a bit of the “Don’t ask, Don’t Tell” attitude toward food production and distribution.  I know I am sticking my head in the sand, but hey, I can’t handle that much anxiety and pressure to think about what not to eat.  Okay, after the last New York Times article about the dancer getting paralyzed from eating a hamburger, I did think twice before ordering one from the Shake Shack.  I prayed that I could get away with eating this last burger.  Damn, it was good!

But my kids are pulling me kicking and screaming (figuratively, not literally), because they do have a point.  Our food production has gotten whacked.  More importantly though, in parenting, I realize that I need to take my own personal and professional attitudes, and to a degree, put them aside.  This needs to be about my kids and what they are saying they need.

So with some protest, and pushing her to make sure she is getting adequate nutrition and taking enough responsibility to eat properly, I have had to go against the fact that I hate that she is doing this, and support her.  It is getting easier.  The more I see she eats healthy, the more I trust that she will be okay.  

Maybe it will just be a stage.  But for now, I am adapting.  I am learning how to make different kinds of dinners, and she is cooking up a storm.

Then I slip in the T-Bone.  Gotta have my meat.

Nothing like having kids to reinforce the nature part of the nurture debate when it comes to personality traits.  Forget things like hair and eye color; any parent with more than one kid knows how different and unique their personalities and temperaments are, from Day One.

I broaden this to what I call your kid’s “Food Personality”.   It is rare for there to be kids in one family who all have similar eating styles.  More often than not, I hear parents including myself, talk about having one kid who’s a fairly picky eater, stops easily, while there are many children who have trouble stopping.

I call these kids, my Trouble Transitioners.  Since I coined this term for the 6 Styles of Eaters I write about in my book, I have come to see that some kids don’t necessarily say: “More, More!” because they have trouble with transitions, but simply because they have a  well developed palate, and love the stimulation of the tastes, smells and the sensations of the food!  I think back to when my middle daughter who delights in whatever she is doing at the moment, would be eating bowls and bowls of cereal, with the biggest smile on her face; humming the whole time.  I had to teach her how to flip the ‘off’ switch by waiting and checking back in with her body 20 minutes later.

This is the opposite of the Picky Eater; kids whose palates and senses don’t develop until they are older.  (If at all, there are some adults who are still picky eaters, and not that ‘into’ food.)   Trouble Transitioners are so stimulated by the tastes and sensations (early ‘foodies’; and I say that in the best sense of the word), that they are on their third helping before they feel the signal that they are ‘Done, or Full”.  By the time they hear the signal and stop, they are usually STUFFED.  This way of eating can, over time, become habitual as the cue to feeling ‘DONE’ and STOP EATING, is triggered after larger quantities.  The obvious result can be weight issues, which create other problems.

Parents can worry about how to handle this without at best, creating bad feelings and power struggles, or at worst, an eating disorder.  (Although parents, you can let yourself off the hook, it takes more than that to create a true eating disorder; some disordered eating, perhaps, not a full blown eating disorder.)

So in the interest of giving your ‘foodies’ some tools to prevent problems from developing, here are some tips:

1)    Enjoy and show your kid that you love how much they love food and the tastes.  Celebrate this.

2)    Teach them that they are their own “BODY EXPERT”, and it is their responsibility to become the best “BODY DETECTIVE” possible.  This means listening carefully to their stomachs for the signal that they are DONE, OR FULL.  Educate them that some bodies take longer to send the signal; it can just be a whisper after one bowl of cereal, but they need to WAIT 20 minutes to hear it well.

3)    While they are waiting, let them do an activity with you like clearing the table, doing the dishes.  If they want more, leave their food on the table so they know they have access to it and can have it if their body tells them they are genuinely still hungry.  (Avoids power struggles)

4)    Teach them how to listen to their bodies; Think of gradations of Hunger/Fullness; 1-7 from Starving, to Stuffed.  Help them to Listen Carefully and EAT WHEN HUNGRY STOP WHEN DONE, OR FULL.

5)    There are some foods that lend themselves to stimulating your tongue and mouth to the point where it makes it hard to flip the “Off Switch”; some salty foods, or sweet, depending on your palate.  Teach your kid to just step away after some, and remind them they can have more later.  (Try it yourself!)

Teaching kids HOW to WAIT and STOP, is a part of preventing eating problems from developing, and empowers them to eat well for life.

Happy Mealtime!

What parent doesn’t want their kid to feel good about themselves? If I see that commercial one more time, with the little kid batting the ball saying: “I am the best hitter in the world!” or , “I am the best pitcher in the world!”, with the ‘happy soundtrack’ in the background, (what is that “Celebration”?!) one more time, I think I will explode.

The catch line for the commercial is: “That’s OPTIMISM!” I shake my head muttering “No, that’s delusional!”
Call me a bad parent, or an a-hole. All I think is that chances this kid is the best pitcher in the world and can keep thinking and saying that to himself, is such a set up for the day he throws down his glove and stomps off the field because he couldn’t hit the ball, he feels like crap and won’t go back, because he isn’t “the best pitcher”.

Now I know this commercial is trying to promote the idea of OPTIMISM. Okay, so maybe I am being a little ‘concrete’ and overly dramatic in my reaction, but as a therapist who basically spends most of her hours teaching people HOW TO NAVIGATE FEELING LOUSY WITHOUT DOING SOMETHING THAT REINFORCES THEIR BELIEF THAT THEY ARE CRAP, I take issue with this idea that optimism is about being THE BEST. Is that the only way ‘WE CAN?’ More importantly, what kind of set up is this for our kids to think they have to “BE THE BEST”? How many kids are truly going to BE THE BEST? What kind of perfectionism are we promoting? What happens when they can’t THINK they are the best, because they aren’t doing very well that day, that season or simply aren’t actually stellar at that particular activity?

Most of the emphasis seems to be on WINNING. We do live in an ‘uber-‘competitive culture, and we sure do need to learn how to work hard in order to not just compete, but function well at anything. There is way too much focus on the win, and too little on any kind of process. Ironically, in sports, this idea of ‘showing up’ is built into the structure of training and is the discipline.
But what if your kid doesn’t do a sport or any activity that involves structured training? How do you as a parent help give your kid the skills to DO THEIR BEST, which involves trying over and over and over?! (And feeling like you are failing, or feeling frustrated, over and over and over!!!)
So, I offer up some quick tips on helping your kids build self esteem and cope with reality: (The good and the bad). I call it “Skill Training on Being Human 101”

1) IT IS NORMAL to have strengths and weaknesses in all ways.

2) It is NORMAL to feel great about some parts of yourself, and not about others

3) It is NORMAL to feel badly about these parts, or how you have done at times.

4) It is NORMAL to feel anxious, sad, frustrated, bad, insecure, envious, angry, competitive, etc.

5) It is NORMAL to feel ambivalent; two feelings that seem opposite about the same thing: every decision has its bad aspects no matter how good.

Teaching ourselves and our kids to roll with the BAD without getting stuck in it, or getting stuck in behaviors that reinforce the feeling: “I suck” involves the following:

1) Identify the feeling and the negative thoughts that result.

2) Know that feeling states shade thinking, similarly to how the cloud passing over the sun makes things dark. That doesn’t mean the sun went away and the cloud will pass. This is a mood, but it is dark and can feel like the sun will never shine again. IT FEELS DARK DOESN’T MEAN IT IS DARK. THE SUN IS STILL THERE, REMEMBER?

3) Feelings pass. The intensity of feelings shift and it will not be a 10 an hour later, or the next day. Might be 2, or even a 0.

4) When the feeling and intensity dies down, you can think straight and use judgment to problem solve.

5) Give yourself time to let the feeling shift. Set a timer. Distract yourself with things that don’t reinforce the negative. Stick with the feelings use behaviors to help you live with them, or soothe them, not take them away. (Food, drugs, alcohol, anything excessively that is being used to avoid bad feelings all the time just reinforces a belief that you don’t have a right to feel good about yourself. Results that then lend credence to the negative thinking about yourself: i.e. “I am a loser, I have no control”, “I am fat, ugly, awful, etc.feed proof to the insecurity.

6) Give yourself space and time to feel. Give your kid space to let the intensity die down. IF they want you close fine, but don’t get stuck if they are passing the hot potato of the negativity by blaming you. Kids do this a lot and can be part of developing. Help them learn though how to identify their feelings and take responsibility for them after the intensity dies down.

Few are THE BEST at anything. Let’s give ourselves and our kids a nice ‘matter of fact’ attitude toward living that is the scaffolding to TRYING OURS AND THEIR HARDEST. Showing up. Putting one foot in front of the other despite how you feel. Over and over.

That is what builds competence, confidence, self esteem, and, dare I say, ‘real life’ optimism.

Visit me on www.huffingtonpost.com/donna-fish/

Boy did I love having infants, and boy do I love that my kids are now more independent and can get around on their own! With two teenagers and one 10 year old who is beginning to ask to walk to school on her own this year, I am really feeling my freedom!

But while I might love the extra freedom I am getting from the care and feeding of my kids, some mothers hate it. So we have to acknowledge that the process our kids go through in separating from us; emotionally and physically, is both back and forth, and involves not just their emotional head set, but ours as well.

That is why as I was contemplating writing this piece on tweens and independence, I began to think about how vital a role our own feelings about their independence plays.

You see it I think, practically from birth. There are Moms who are happily (or not so happily but attempting it anyhow), to ‘Ferber-ize’ their kids, while there are others who prefer the Family Bed. This to say, that we need to factor in our own feelings and perhaps, anxieties about our kids’ growing independence. Our feelings and attitudes will affect how they take these developmental steps.

The other thing to consider is where you live, and how much independence is even reasonable or doable. I have to say that this is where living in NYC comes in so handily. By virtue of a fantastic public transportation system, most kids by 7th and certainly 8th grade, are taking buses if not subways, and sometimes taxis, by themselves or with friends. This gives them tremendous independence and the ability to develop a profound sense of mastery and competence.

So, a couple of tips and things to consider when your 5th and 6th grader starts to ask to walk to school on their own, or go to the mall by themselves:

1) By the age of 10, or 11, most kids are wishing for some independence. This is more the norm. If you are terribly anxious about this, try to contain it and not show your child. This will make them more frightened and interfere with their ability to become more competent. Take baby steps and start with very short distances.

2) That being said, check out your own child’s level of maturity and responsibility. You can test them out in small ways. You can start with your 5th or usually 6th graders walking to school with other friends. Follow them the first time to see how they do, (you can tell them and do it very inobtrusively,). This will help them to remember the rules you teach them and give you a chance to observe how they do.

3) Clear and simple rules help. Small kids can’t be seen by cars and should not jaywalk by any means. Even if no cars are coming! Kids these ages can’t yet cognitively judge distances and how far cars are and can approach yet and absolutely need to follow the traffic signals. (In NYC all adults jaywalk and our kids do it when they are with it so it is very important to teach them differently and tell them why.)

4) Cell phones are key here. If you can’t afford one, figure out a way that they call you when they arrive at their destination. Stay in touch so they know that you are within calling distance and can be connected.

5) 7th and 8th graders start to want to go further distances by themselves and are more mature to handle this. Many kids in this age range begin to take buses to after school activities by themselves, if it is not too complicated, and even subways. This depends on your kid. Don’t push it if they are too nervous, but feel them out on their readiness.

There can be a lot of peer pressure towards more independence, which is not necessarily a bad thing. It can help your child feel more comfortable as they travel in a group, or with a friend or two, and it can help you feel that they are not alone. Always give them a way to blame you though, if they are uncomfortable that their friends are doing something or trying to go somewhere alone and they are not quite ready for it. Tell them over and over that they can say “Mom won’t let me do that yet and I will get into trouble” even if you do let them. This will help them save face and come in handy whenever they are in peer pressure situations and are feeling uncomfortable.

So enjoy these nail biting times and know that their independence means some extra freedom for you!

Happy Independence Days!

For more information on tweens, visit www.tweenparent.com

This weekend New York Times Magazine’s cover story is by Frank Bruni, The Times’ restaurant critic, and is entitled: “This Boy’s Appetite”.  Given my work in the field of eating disorders and prevention with kids and eating problems, I read it with relish. 

I thought of the parents who have come to me for help with their children who literally “can’t stop eating”.   Mr. Bruni’s vivid descriptions of his ravenous appetite, even as a toddler, brings the point home that this was not a psychological or a family issue, at this point.  His two brothers had their own unique eating styles. (I think one was a Beige Food Eater, and the other the Picky Eater, Mr. Bruni, you are the Food Demander; 3 out of the 6 childhood eating styles I write about.)

These innate differences in appetite and hence, eating style and behavior, are coming to be better understood with the work of researchers like Walter Kaye MD, at the University of California, San Diego. I call Dr. Kaye the ‘rock star’ of eating disorder research as he has through the years, begun to identify the differences in what he calls: “The Hedonics of Eating”. Via brain imaging studies we now can see that there are physiological differences in the brains of anorexics and bulimics.  For anorexics food is actually experienced as toxic and to be avoided, the opposite for compulsive overeaters and some bulimics.

This is a very broad way of talking about the research, but basically, the idea is that there are differences in the brain biology that contribute to disordered eating.The understanding of appetite disturbance and eating disorders has been broadened from what used to be a mainly psychological vantage point.  As treatment models have shifted to more of a psycho-educational approach, families can breathe a sigh of relief from the guilt they may feel to learning real ways to address the problems when their kid’s eating is becoming disordered.

A relatively small percentage of the population develops full -blown eating disorders.  However, a massive percentage of people are always trying to lose weight.  These attempts can result in disordered eating. Aside from anything, when simply the idea that you ‘should not eat’ is driven into the psyche, (which is hard to get away from unless we move to a country where the body ideal is substantially larger; remember I said the body ideal, not the body reality), the urge to eat can become even more of an obsession and preoccupation.

There are some kids who come into this world without the ability to ‘self-regulate’. This is the ability to stop when full without any outside help. For these kids, parents can play a role in helping them, without giving them an eating disorder.  This may feel tricky as parents worry about hurting self esteem, or if they have another child who they are desperate to feed.  

As in most things parenting, one size does not fit all.  The good news is that there are relatively straightforward and matter of fact ways to approach differences in eating behaviors. Thank you Mr. Bruni, for writing about your love for food from an early age.  Let’s hope that everyone can find a way to stop fighting with food, and take pleasure in their appetites.  Part of feeling full requires taking guilt off the menu.

Here’s to freedom with food!

For help with eating disorders, go to: www.neda.org 

This from Urbanmama.com, a blog/website based in Portland, Oregon

Michael Pollan on feeding children

White_bread
I’ve long subscribed to a variant of the theories out of Take the Fight Out of Food, an excellent book I recommend to those who are suffering from food issues. While I don’t always execute my theories quite as they’re devised in the ideal parenting lab that is my brain (ahh, if only I could be the perfect mama I have designed there!), they’ve been working pretty well for me. Essentially, the concept is to present a variety of healthful food options, and occasional treats, constantly expose your children to new foods, but never make a big deal out of what they actually eat. Don’t set up “good” and “bad” foods; use words more along the lines of “foods that make your taste buds happy” and describe the physical benefits of other foods; protein gives you strength and makes your brain work better, etc. (And along the lines of our sweets conversation, Donna Fish, the author, has a great post on how to handle dessert battles here.)

So I was thrilled to read this interview with Michael Pollan, one of my writerly food heroes, about his now-16-year-old son and his past food issues. He was a “white food eater” when he was young; he’d eat chicken, potatoes, bread, rice, and nothing else. Upon reflection, Pollan believed this was due to his need to reduce sensory input (he doesn’t say it, but I wonder if the boy was diagnosed with a sensory integration disorder). In fact, it was his son’s “tortured” relationship with food that got him interested in writing about it.

Peas_in_bowl
About two years ago, Pollan’s son began to suddenly expand his food repertoire, and after working in a kitchen for a summer began cooking seriously, and is now a “food snob” who makes a port wine reduction to go with the grass-fed steak his dad cooks for dinner. (I can only dream.)

It’s a relief to a mama like me.

My two older boys couldn’t be more different in their food habits. Everett, who’s about to turn 7, was a white foodie (and still, to some extent, is now); chicken nuggets and white bread and tortillas and ice cream and only a few varieties of potatoes were his main calories for many years. He now eats all kinds of berries, many kinds of other fresh and canned fruit, whole grain breads (though he prefers lily white flour and will choose white bread over whole grain whenever it’s available), some non-white, non-fried meats (especially sausage and pepperoni), and the occasional bean burrito, but many foods are a struggle. I was thrilled this winter when we discovered he loved broccoli raab, and I now make any green vegetable sauteed with garlic and lots of butter and he will often eat it. He amazed me by asking for salad a few months ago. Maybe kids can change!

Truman, on the other hand, is a four-year-old who will only eat strong-flavored foods, and refuses to eat fresh fruit (he’ll happily eat dried fruits of all kinds, though). Sample meals: a can of sardines and six whole-wheat crackers. A rice tortilla with honey. Feta cheese cut up into TINY little pieces! Lamb shoulder roast with ketchup. A half-cup of hazelnut butter. Two bowls of chocolate ice cream.

I try, constantly urging them to take just one little bite of whatever it is they won’t eat — a raspberry, an exceptional piece of cheese, a spoonful of potato-leek soup — and typically I’m left frustrated. They’ll always pick candy over any other option, it seems (and I keep candy in short supply as a result; also, I no longer eat sugar and it starts driving me crazy after a while). I do what Pollan suggested; grow a ton of our own food so that I can inspire them, connecting them to the fresh real delicious stuff that food can be.

Still. It’s a slow process and Pollan is a perfect example of that (I know he’s been gardening for decades). Yesterday, I was thrilled by this: Truman discovered he liked fresh shelling peas. The LITTLE TINY peas! he said, scrunching up his shoulders the way he does when he asks me to cut up his feta cheese. And he did it without any urging from me (though I’ve begged and pleaded with him to try one, just one! as his little brother and I shovel them in our mouths these past several weeks).

Victory in peas. Hurray!

Posted by cafemama on July 08, 2009 at 03:16 PM | Permalink

This past weekend I attended the Body Design by Gilda reunion in NYC. In the former basement studio (now turned club), where we used to lead hundreds of women to push themselves one more rep, one more jump; we convened; but no, not in spandex.

In 1982 I moved to NYC at the urging of one of Paul Taylor’s dancers who I had gotten to come teach in Toronto: “Come to New York! Paul is opening a school!” she said. I had just broken up with my boyfriend, packed my stuff, and figured I would take class, audition, try my luck.

In order to survive while I was training and auditioning, I got a job teaching aerobics at a studio called Body Design by Gilda. Little did I know, that I would be teaching some of the most famous actresses from movies, television, stage as well as women who were some of the biggest names in business, publishing, philanthropy, the fashion industry. At that point, health clubs and gyms were mainly for the die-hard weight lifters; Gilda and her former student Jane Fonda were doing this thing called aerobics, and it seemed like everybody who was anybody walked through our doors those days! I remember you all and what leotards you used to wear; Arianna, a special nod to you, the statuesque brunette in navy blue at the 57th St. studio in the 80′s!

As each of us stood up to re-introduce ourselves and say what we had been doing these last 25 years or so, I could not stop shaking my head. PhD’s, Professors at NYU, Yale, the Alvin Ailey School, Atlantic Theatre Company, Hollywood casting director, hugely successful businesswomen, actresses, writers, editors. The children, marriages, divorces. Life. The energy from the studio had made its way into the world! (I need to also mention that when they were wheeling me into the O.R. to have my first daughter; who was there, a Gilda instructor! Only this time in scrubs not spandex; she had been studying for her MCATS while teaching aerobics and now was helping deliver my daughter! )

But the most important thing I felt that evening and always felt during my tenure at Gilda’s was the support we gave each other as we struggled with our various ups and downs. Gilda’s was a place we could go to whether we were a teacher or a client, and find incredible comfort. And then of course, crank up the music and sweat!

So for all you teachers, staff members and clients out there who ever attended a Gilda class, we lift a glass and remember the sisterhood of the spandex!

Visit me at: www.huffingtonpost.com/donnafish